The Reality of Parenting

In the mornings, I read passages from the Bible that fill me with fresh hope and new mercies. In the evenings, I read literature that inspires me and teaches me how to instill good habits and a love for learning in my children. And in between?

Oh, the in between. In between these infusions of truth and idealism, I live out the messy practice of parenting in a fallen world. I am a sinner. My children are sinners. We hurt each other, disobey God, wade through the waters of reconciliation, and start the process over again.

Before I had children, I had confidence that if I followed the wise advice of my parents and others who loved God, all would be well. My children would not embarrass me in public (or at least not very often). They would be obedient at home (or at least most of the time). I would fill their life with the best thoughts, art, music, and language. My voice would be calm and reasonable (most of the time).

The reality of parenting is that children are wild cards. You cannot predict when they will embarrass you, when they will forget all your patient (or impatient) training, and when they will suddenly decide to pull another child’s hair.

The reality of parenting is that I am also a wild card. I cannot predict when my patience will run out. I don’t know when I will embarrass all of us with my own sin and hypocrisy.

And yet parenting is a hopeful business. Why?

I can parent with hope because Jesus didn’t come for those who think they are righteous, but for those who know they are sinners. (Mark 2:17) The messiness of parenting peels back my layers of conceit, of false self-sufficiency, and of selfishness. It exposes my weakness. And when I realize how very weak I am, I can turn to my strong refuge and Savior. When I am weak, He is strong. (See II Corinthians 12:10.) My failures can lead me to trust in the only One who can actually change my heart.

I can also parent with hope because the same God who raised Christ from the dead can raise my children to walk in newness of life. (Romans 8:11 and 6:4.) As they watch me repent and trust, I hope that they will see that nothing can separate a believer from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:39.) When they disobey and seek forgiveness, I have the privilege to tell them that God is rich in mercy and love and rejoices to forgive and save. (See Ephesians 2.) When their hearts are hard and defiant, I can trust that the Holy Spirit who softened my heart will melt their hearts, as well.

Is it Wrong to Be Idealistic?

When my attempts at perfection get lost in the muddle of tantrums and tears, sometimes I want to throw my idealistic literature out the window. But instead, I cry and pray and then go back to reading.

I do this because I truly believe that if I’m aiming for God’s best for my kids, we will get closer than if I aimed for nothing but survival. It’s true that some days we are grateful for mere survival. But some days a child’s eyes will fill with delight as she discovers something new. Some days a little voice repeating a memorized verse will suddenly exclaim, “I understand now!”

God has given us parents the precious task of caring for souls that will live on for an eternity past the short years of our guardianship. This task is far, far beyond our capacity. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can wholly lean on the One who does all things well.