MINI BOOK REVIEW #8: Boundaries, By Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. My short-and-sweet summary of the book everyone seems to be talking about these days!
Boundaries is one of those books that I have seen mentioned and recommended by numerous acquaintances and a few close friends. After becoming a friend’s accountability partner after she read the book, I decided I ought to read it as well. Did it live up to its hype?
Honestly, not really. I am not going to join the train of people who will recommend you read this book anytime you’re having any kind of interpersonal problems. However, I do think that Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend give some valuable advice in Boundaries.
What did I like about the book?
Pros of Boundaries:
- Boundaries encourages healthy boundaries between family members and friends. It guides the reader to stop reacting out of anger or guilt and start responding from predetermined values and priorities.
- This book is particularly good at addressing abusive situations. The authors empower victims to stand up for themselves and refuse to allow further abuse.
- I don’t agree with all of the parenting advice in Boundaries. However, I found the section on aiding your child to avoid abuse by respecting his “no” with personal boundaries very helpful. (E.g. You don’t want to hug Aunt Sylvie? That’s fine, because we want you to know that you are not required to allow people to touch you when you are uncomfortable with being touched.)
What did I dislike about the book?
Cons of Boundaries:
- The authors frequently cite Scripture that seems taken out of context/stretched to make their point. Many times the citations are given just in passing, but upon closer inspection the verses have almost nothing to do with the conflicts being described in the book.
- The authors continually assume that God lets us say no to Him. Near the end of the book, they make some strange statements about the boundaries between us and God. (This may not bother every reader, but will definitely be jarring to those who lean Reformed in their theology.)
So, in quick summary, I would say that if you have some extra time and are struggling to set boundaries at work, with critical parents, or an abusive husband, Boundaries could be a great read for you. But don’t expect this work to give you a thorough understanding of the Bible’s teaching on how to interact with others.
Favorite Quote from Boundaries:
“Forgiveness and opening up to more abuse are not the same thing.”
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